Being Grateful.

I feel the need to bring something to light here. Do you truly know what it is to be grateful? I mean TRULY grateful. Saying ‘Thank you’ is what we quickly refer to when someone does something nice, sweet or selfless. But think about it – are you sincerely Thankful?

According to Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary the word Grateful is defined as follows:

a : appreciative of benefits received
b : expressing gratitude <grateful thanks>

2 a : affording pleasure or contentment : pleasing

 b : pleasing by reason of comfort supplied or discomfort alleviated

Google’s definition is even easier:  Adjective – Feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness; thankful.

Lately I have been paying close attention to my own reactions to see if I am being truly grateful or not. I’ve learned there has been much room for improvement. With that said, I have also learned to recognize opportunities to be grateful. In this world we grow up around others that influence us to think ‘we deserve’ or that its ok to have expectations. But This is so wrong. Who are we to expect anyone to do anything – including reacting appreciatively?! Who are we that we think we deserve kindness? I have been making a point to do more selfless actions for my spouse, my family, friends, acquaintances and strangers. Not for the praise from anyone, but to practice living selflessly and additionally practicing appreciation. I find it amazing to watch who truly appreciates one’s generosity and who else either expects it, or thinks they deserve it. No judgment here of course. I just pray that God is allowing me to see that behavior to ensure I never mirror that behavior myself.

I can immediately think of two instances today where someone being grateful totally flipped my attitude as well as lifted me up, whereas also someone was completely ungrateful and the testing of my reaction was difficult. But no matter what reaction I get, I am expected to be the constant. The constant sweet person – no matter how someone treats me – grateful or not. It’s not for me to determine who is appreciative or not – it goes back to the not having any expectations or not feeling like I deserve someone to be thankful for something I did. Besides, I’ve learned that when you do something for someone else – be quiet about it. When you boast about it, it is as if you expecting praise from someone, or want to bring attention to yourself. I am not writing this to do any of that. I’m sharing if only for the purpose to make you think; ‘How do I react to others’? ‘How can I be more selfless and loving towards others, regardless of how they are towards me’? These are my daily tests. And I am pretty sure I am not alone with this one. 😉

My biggest challenges are in my marriage, my role as a parent and then also my reaction to other’s behavior. When things are super challenging in my marriage (as things often can be in most marriages) I have learned to stop, be quiet and go over my list of things I am truly thankful for. I am grateful that someone actually chose to marry me! Who am I to deserve a husband?! I am thankful that he allows me to stay home, even if our reasons are different. I am thankful that he has a good job and spends time there so that we can do extra things on the weekends. I am thankful my husband doesn’t do drugs or gamble our money away. I am thankful to have a nice place to live, in a nice part of town. I am thankful for my iphone. (it’s the little things, I’m telling you!) I am thankful I get to be a mom. Even in challenging times I am so truly grateful. I want more babies, however,  in the last 8 years I haven’t even been close. 😦 But in that same thought – what am I doing with the one child I was blessed to have? Am I TRULY grateful? Am I teaching her what is right? Am I leading her in the right direction? Am I showing her what it is to be a respectful, loving lady? Will I be grateful if I am ever blessed with another child? There have definitely been more times that I care to mention that my husband and I discussed divorce. In the midst of anger and hurt I have to ask myself why? What I am thinking might benefit our lives by such an action? Do I think there is someone better? Do I believe that there is someone who will appreciate me? Perhaps, but it could also be a reminder for me to be grateful for who and what I have. It’s eye opening. We get to wake up everyday! We have always heard that we are not guaranteed another day, so how do we expect to make it home safely? How do we expect to wake up each morning? Why do we expect to see, hear, touch or smell? These are gifts to be truly grateful for. Honestly.  This is the way to be grateful. To recognize our huge blessing each days, instead of focusing completely on the negative things that happen. Ok, so you got caught in traffic, spilled your coffee on your favorite skirt, got a ticket for running a red light (slow down!) then got to work 40 minutes late… you know what!? You got there safely?! You got to have coffee this morning? You own cool clothing?! you have a car? WAIT… you have a job? Are these not the things to be truly grateful for?! Who cares about traffic. You should expect it. This may going a little off topic, but I read a book when my daughter was an infant and the only chapter I remember out of it was “Expect the Spill”. I cannot remember what the book was, but If I do, I will comment below. Anyway, the chapter lined up all the potentials for ‘spills’, or accidents. The writer was trying to tell the reader/soon to be parent to expect it all. Expect the spill, so that when it doesn’t happen – you have an opportunity to praise your child or be thankful. This was seriously a light bulb moment for me! It was that simple. And I have to be honest, in the last 8 years since I read that chapter and applied it to my life – I had only one been late to a job once and that was because I overslept. I’ll tell you why. I would expect there to be traffic, or God Forbid an accident, so I made an effort to be ready earlier, plan ahead and leave early – expecting the worse. If there was traffic – no biggie – I expected it. If there wasn’t I felt like God handed me a ‘happy’ and I was thankful. 🙂 And think about it… in those horrible situations such as traffic (which there will ALWAYS be) think about what you might be protected from. Perhaps this traffic you are in is helping you realize you need to slow down your life… or perhaps its God’s way of protecting you from an accident. Food for thought anyway.

So, back to the events that occurred today; I made a point to be the constant. I continued to smile, serve and go out of my way – regardless of it was appreciated or not, because the bottom line is: I know my daughter was watching. Maybe not directly, but she is learning from me how to interact with others. By being the constant I am showing her that by being respectful I am not allowing the behaviors, words or actions of another determine my day or my mood (like I used to). And though there was much testing in that situation, I feel like I did what was right. I left with a smile on my face and a happy heart that I could do something for someone else completely selflessly. No expectations of a sincere thank you. (yes, it is tough to not say in your sassiest voice ‘ugh, you are welcome!!!!) But what does that do?! Give you the ‘thank you’ you think you deserve?! Nope, it portrays you as ungrateful and honestly an ass. So, don’t do it.

Thank you for reading. 🙂

Much Love,

Dinky